Thursday, February 26, 2009
75 Year-Old Tackles 29 Year-Old Bandit
Think back to yesterday afternoon. Where were you? What were you doing? What was going through your mind?
I could narrow those answers down for you. I know that you were not doing. You were not in Stuart, Florida. You were not thinking of robbing an old elderly couple from a new computer. And you were not attacked by that elderly man trying to retrieve his computer from your adolescent ways. It you were, you would be sitting in prison with a $12,500 bail.
If that was you who did attempt to rob an elderly couple, then stop reading now because this is a blog dedicated to poking fun at you. If that wasn’t you, then keep reading, and I’ll tell you what happened. It is a true story; only the names, ideas, and facts have been changed to make it more interesting.
A feeble man walked out of a best buy carrying a newly purchased computer and printer.
(That’s your first clue that this is not just an everyday, vulnerable, helpless person simply asking to be burglarized. I know this because no weak elder could carry a computer and printer without being extraordinary stature.)
He was alone because his wife went to drive the car up to pick him up.
(Maybe he wasn’t all that strong after all, if he couldn’t walk to the car. He could be a good person to rob.)
That’s when the 29 year-old found his target- old man, alone, carrying hundreds of dollars in merchandise. The soon-to-be-thief approached the elderly man, sized him up, realized that it would be an easy robbery, he snatched to merchandise and took off like a coward.
He didn’t make it 8 feet until the feeble old man overtook the fit, young man. A nearby security guard saw the altercation and cleaned up the scene. Now that’s embarrassing!
I could only imagine the scene. Did the old man start beating him with his can? Maybe the wife waiting in the car for him came out and started striking him with her purse. Regardless of their weapon of choice, I would have paid good money to see it. If someone videotaped this scene, it would have five stars on youtube and a million viewers overnight.
Instead of being a youtube star, that young man is in prison. And I wonder how he is getting along with his cell mates. I can see a conversation unfolding between him and his cell mates:
“So, what are you in for?”
“I tried to steal a computer from a 75 year-old man. But boy was he fast!”
Rule #1 of being respected in prison—lie.