Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Excuse me, could you possible try to chew your food with your mouth a little less open, please?

I just had a lovely conversation with my roommate. I was sitting at my desk, reading my sociology book in studious solitude. He walks in and announces his presence by opening up a bag of cheez-its and engulfing them as loudly as possible. I’ve never been mad at someone for eating food before. This 19 year-old was chewing with his mouth open like a little kid. But I guess I can’t be too mad at him for that because I used to chew with my mouth open… When I was 7.

I thought I could put up with it. It wouldn’t last too long. I mean, no one eats cheez-its for an extended period of time. However, I guess cheez-its was his lunch because he was eating them endlessly.

I was not planning on saying anything to him; no one wants to tell someone as old as a college freshman how to eat their food. However, in my desperation, I had to speak up-

“Hey man, do you think you could close your mouth when you eat?” I asked in a polite, yet business-like tone.

He aggresively responded, “HECK NO!” What could have provoked that response? Maybe he misheard my request; I do mumble and slur my words a lot. “Do you think you could close your mouth when you eat?” could easily be misinterpreted as, “Do you think you could pose as a moth with two feet?” That would seem like an unusual request, but surely anyone would respond with “HECK NO!”

I doubted that he misheard me because I was certain I had spoken clearly, therefore, my frustration with him was justified. My retort to his foul mouth was the most mature thing that any logical person could do- turn my music up to full volume and listen to his least favorite band. That would show him not to disrespect me, and it might drown out the noise of chewing.

My tactics were ineffective. As I cranked up the volume on my speakers, he cranked up the volume on his cheez-its. He searched the box to find a handful of the crunchiest cheese-its of all. He took a swig of water, to make sure that chewing them would make a resounding, especially grotesque, noise loud enough to overpower my speakers.

I felt that if I had said anything, It would not register with him. After responding unhelpful and rude to my simple, polite, request, I learned that he is not capable of listening to others. I could have taken a more mature approach than listening to really loud music, but that would require talking to him. And I don’t think that it would be practical to talk to him; he has already shown defiance toward mature discussions.

Be leery not to offend me. I will retaliate by writing a blog about you that you will never read.

Some people say that bad roommates at least give you good stories. This brings me to the moral of this story. I would rather have good roommates than good stories.


  1. I don't think I've ever commented on your blog before, but I think it's really funny. I don't have problems with roomates, since I don't have any. But if I did, and I was in this situation, I probably would have done the same thing as you. You think he would have learned to chew with his mouth closed a long time ago, or at least be able to be polite and stop when asked. Chewing with your mouth open really annoys me.

  2. haha! This is a great story! I have a problem with people chewing with their mouth open too. I hate to hear mouth movements so when I eat with a friend, I can not stand to sit there and listen to their lips smack. Also, when some people chew gum, then tend to smack their lips, and that really gets me upset. Im sure you can classify that as one of the top things that bother me. Im sorry to hear about your roommate and I hope things get better!!!

  3. i have the biggest pet peeve when people chew with their mouths open and they are really loud. It just bothers me a lot for some reason. I have freind that is the loudest chewer ever and he always has to have like 6 feet around him when he eats because his elbos are straight out. its like hes protecting his food or something. All of my freinds tease him about it and its pretty funny sometimes, but mostly it is just annoying. I am glad that my roommate isnt so snappy and responds agressively like that.