Mathematical Proof: The Key Behind A Good New Year's Resolution

We’re 28 days into the New Year, and I wonder how everyone’s New Year’s resolutions are holding up. Maybe I view a lot of people as unmotivated, or ill willed, or undetermined; but whatever the reason, I assumed that most New Year’s resolutions have already been sacked.

I don’t judge character by commitment to a resolution. But I was curious as to the percentages of people who stick to their New Year’s Resolutions. I figured I would check online because it’s the most credible source available. Why would people lie on the internet? I think of the internet and indisputable facts as one in the same. I mean, people don’t just have websites devoted to making up lies, do they?

…keep reading to find out the answer.

Credible or not, I found some lovely stats pertaining to New Year’s Resolutions. And in order to make the stats more enjoyable I will relate them to the (currently) 20 followers of my blog (I will exclude myself due to biasness, but really it’s because it’s harder to do math with a base 21 compared to 20). We can then see how many of you will follow through with your goal.

Okay, grab the pencil and paper. See if you can follow this math.

First off, only 45% of you actually set New Year’s resolutions. That’s 9 of you! See, aren’t percentages so much more fun when they are people? I changed my mind and I do want to include myself in these statistics. Now 10 people made New Year’s resolutions.

Two weeks into the year, 2 of you dropped your goal. After 1 month, 1 more person will ditch your goal. Be careful, that’s only 3 days away. 1 more of you will desert your goal when July comes around. And then there were 5.

Those remaining made it half a year. I’m impressed. But my vim is short lived. Something will happen in the 6 months that follow that will eliminate you all from the title of grand champion. That’s right, you understood my analogy correctly; statistically, our sample is too small for any of you to cash in on your New Year’s resolution.

Pretty grim, eh? Don’t worry, there is hope yet. If you got our sample group (my blog’s followers) and added me and 6 more people. Then there would be 1 person who stuck with their resolutions for a whole year. What are you waiting for? Get recruiting! Statistically, none of you will accomplish your New Year’s resolutions.

Only 6 people, that’s not a lot. As I recall, that’s the number of my blog’s followers who have stuck with their New Year’s resolutions thus far.

If we just had 6 more followers of my blog then one of you in our sample group will achieve your resolution. Statistically, if only 45% of people set New Year’s resolutions. With 27 people (20 followers +me + 6 recruits), that would be about 12 of you who set New Year’s resolutions. Only 8% of those who set New Year’s resolutions will stick with them after a year (12 x .08 = .96, which I’ll round up to 1).

Obviously, no matter what provisions you make to achieve your goal, they are futile, if you leave out the key step: recruitment. If you made a New Year’s resolution, and have stuck with it this far (statistically 64%, .64 x 9=~6 of you)you need to recruit one follower each to get a total of 26 followers, add me to the sample, and one of you will achieve your New Year’s resolution. It is the only way.

The Breast Is Best

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) sent a plea to Ben & Jerry’s that would revolutionize the ice cream industry and save numerous cows from suffering. The answer: breast milk from women.

When I read this, I thought,”Brilliant! Why exploit cows, when we could just as easily have a warehouse of women being milked dry!”

Knowing that if breast milk were to catch on, PETA would have to give it a push out the door by using the catchphrase, "the breast is best."

PETA was bold enough to argue that cow milk is a not good for you. In PETA’s letter to Ben & Jerry, they state that, “Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer.” That’s scary. What is even scarier is that the common household drug, Ibuprofen (Advil) has some similar side effects. Keep in mind that food, in general, causes obesity and diabetes. It’s not that I’m too stubborn to change, but they’re going to have to present a little more evidence that makes dairy products unhealthy.

I also wonder the effects of cutting dairy products out of my diet. I wonder if I could function just as well without having calcium or vitamin d.

I can’t imagine Ben & Jerry’s continuing to place their dangerous products on the shelves for their unenlightened costumers' consumption. In the case that Ben & Jerry’s did not immediately convert to breast milk, PETA had to be relentless.

PETA pointed out the lives of torment endured by cows. Cows are impregnated every nine months in order to continue producing milk. I guess the farmers don’t consider the cows feelings and if they even wanted to start a family. Those dang insensitive farmers! After a few years of this torture, they are butchered. Male cows are utterly(haha) useless on milk farms, so they are sold to veal farms where they are on death row, without parole! How can those farmers sleep at night.

Ben & Jerry’s has over 580 stores. That’s a lot of ice cream. That’s a lot of milk. If Ben & Jerry’s switches to breast milk, they would by providing a lot of women with jobs. But think of the work conditions. They would be forcefully impregnated every nine months. And the males would be shipped off away from their mothers. After a few years of this torture, they would be let go because Ben & Jerry’s would go out of business spending all of their money these women’s milk. Not to mention, no one would buy ice cream made from breast milk over cow milk. That’s just nasty.

I if wonder feminists would end up writing a letter to Ben & Jerry’s urging them to use milk from animals.

PETA, I appreciate your passion and concern, but how about you be realistic. Maybe the day will come when breast milk will be as common and as accepted at cow milk. If that day comes,women would be couped up in warehouses selling milk, while cows would be roaming the country side, enjoying their newfound freedom. PETA, is that your utopia?