March MADNESS!

It’s finally March which can mean only one thing. I just don’t know what yet. I have been searching, seeking the cause of this madness. "March Madness." Why March? Why are we so mad? And what provoked such madness? As I always do when in a stupor (not drunken, just confused), I searched the web.

I bet we are mad because of something that happened in the past. It’s only logical. I’ve never been mad about something from the future.

Maybe March Madness stems from the madness associated with the Battle of the Alamo which took place in March of 1836. Back in 1836, Texan soldiers tried to drive out Mexican forces. The Texans held off 2 surges of Mexican troops, but the third surge was too much. All but two Texans died. This might cause the “madness” associated with March. Everyone needs to dress up as Texan revolutionist, sling their muskets over their shoulder, and shout “Remember the Alamo!”

I haven’t seen any Davey Crocketts roaming campus, so I seriously doubt this is why everyone is so mad.

On March 5, 1983, the idolized Animal House star, John Belushi, died. College students throughout the nation were mad that their symbol of drinking and partying had died. Perhaps, in honor of the late John Belushi, everyone gets drunk in March. They get crazy drunk, mad drunk….madness… March Madness!

College students are not the only people who celebrate March Madness, therefore I doubt this is it.

March 15, 44 B.C.. The ides of March. Julius Ceasar was assassinated. And he sure was mad. His final words were condemning his best mate brutus for the literal backstab…”E tu, Bruti!” He sure was mad. He was furious. It was March. That is a prime example of March Madness.

Again I doubt that this is the true madness. No one alive now ever knew Ceasar. And wouldn’t we get over it. Over time, and especially in our nation that so dearly admires democracy, wouldn’t we realize the dangers of having a leader too powerful?

I nearly abandoned my search as fruitless. It seemed as if I may never find the true madness in March. I turned on some depressing music and sat in my room, absolutely distraught, thinking that I would always be left out of the loop. I truly thought that this year I would find the truth. I would be just as educated about March as everyone else seemed to be.

In my darkest hour I heard sounds of the fruit of my labor. It came in the form of a distant argument across the hall. I thought, “Well, these fellows sure sound MAD.” I went to check it out. They were mad at eachother! Arguing about which basketball team was superior. Connecticut had size, but Purdue had talent. While listening to the two people shout at the top of their lungs, I came to the realization that this is what March Madness is all about. It’s a chance to become furious at people, who in any other month would be considered friends, over issues as distant to them as their respect for eachothers’ opinion. Nearly everyone is mad in March. There are 65 teams in the tournament, and one winner. Therefore, there are fans from 64 teams that are mad about the outcome; all but the winner. My soul journey has ended. At long last I had found the truth behind the madness!

Spring Break: Is It Too Good To Be True?

Three more days until spring break! I think that we are all in agreement that we need a week to relax and escape from the stresses of school. Don’t let loose yet; you can party all you want over spring break. We just need to buckle down for a few more days, followed by a week of relaxation and freedom. Proceeding this is simply grinding out six to seven weeks of quality learning.

My sociology 220 class yesterday was discussing the social problems that go along with spring break. When my teacher mentioned the topic, I wondered where the problem could possibly be. I tried to keep an open mind and find the social problem of spring break. Only then did I find the issue that made it a social problem. It’s not spring yet! It’s 25 degrees today… just 3 days before spring break. There are schools on spring break right now. But it’s still winter.

My professor continued the lecture in a different direction than my imagination. He mentioned the increase of rapes, spread of STD’s, and violent crimes during spring break. I thought that this was obvious, seeing as it is a 7 day party for college students. I was questioning when the learning would take place in this class session.

Then he talked about sociologists’ different views on spring break. One view was why we have spring break in the first place. The schools grant us spring break in hopes to reduce partying and improve grades. There is less partying right before spring break because we all know that all we have to do is work hard up until spring break. Spring break comes around, and we leave campus and go to Florida, Mexico, or anywhere but school. Put differently, we get out of the school’s jurisdiction and party like we’re actually celebrating something. Then we come back to school, eager to learn. On spring break, we aren’t the school’s problem.

It makes sense. The school gives us a break for us to get away and bring our problems, alcohol, and loud music elsewhere. Are we really the ones who get a break or is it the school?

I bet that as soon as we all caravan off to our spring break destinations, the university staff creep out of their offices. They get all dressed up. They dye their gray hair. They pick up their dates. They put in their beach boys cd, and turn up the stereos in their cars and cruise the streets of Purdue without all of these rascal college students. Unbeknownst to us, while we think that we’re having the time of our lives on spring break, the administrators and university staff are probably having more fun than we are.

This had me wondering one more thing. Why do college students party so much? I mean, traditionally, parties are designed for celebration; birthday parties, graduation parties, bar mitzvahs. But seriously, what happens every week that we need to party every weekend; one, two, or even 3 or 4 times. You must have a lot to celebrate. Either that, or your minor accomplishments are exaggerated. “I think I might get an A in this class… lets party tonight!” “I ran all of the way to campus and was not out of breath… let’s party this weekend.” Or, “Hey, we just made it through one difficult week; full of partying and getting wasted… we should let loose and party to celebrate this accomplishment!”

Most of that wasn’t mentioned in my sociology class. However, It seemed distantly relative.

Nice Outfit!

Why do people misinterpret the function of clothes? The function is warmth and to cover up unmentionables. The purpose of clothing has been muddled by pop culture. Merely a little more afoul guidance from the media!

People take clothing as a way to express their “personality.” Personality is who you are beneath the surface. It’s not how you look, or how you dress. So wearing clothes that match your personality is simply saying, “These clothes are my personality. So go ahead and judge me without getting to know me.”

The way you dress is really to appear like someone you aren’t. You generally never dress based on who you are. We’ve all heard the phrase, “dress to impress.” I think that can be restated as, “dress like someone more impressive than you.” People tell me to dress to impress, and I get offended. I thought that I was impressive to begin with.

I started thinking this the other day when I was at walmart with a friend looking for a jacket. I found a really nice, red, plaid jacket, with a gray hood on it. I pointed out to my friend that I was contemplating buying it. He said, “That’s a ‘white trash’ jacket.” And I thought, maybe I could pull off being white trash. Why not? I’m already white, and that’s a start. That’s how I started thinking of how we only dress to be who we aren’t.

People dress for who they want to be. If I wanted to be a rock star, I might wear tight leather pants. Luckily, I don’t want to be a rock star. If I wanted to be a thug, I would wear really baggy clothes and Air Jordans. If I wanted to be a jock, I would wear sweat pants and a letter jacket. But I should probably first start by joining a sport. The point being, you decide how people view you based on the clothing you wear.

The reasons people give for wearing what they do are completely arbitrary. Some people dress because “it’s comfortable,” or “I feel like myself when I wear it.” Well I can be arbitrary about my style also. I want wear something different each day, because each day is different. I want to only wear blue because that’s what color my eyes are. Or I want to wear.

The clothes you wear are completely arbitrary. They should be about function. We all want to save money, so let’s buy cheap clothes. Or, it’s cold out, so let’s get some wintery clothes. Just like how swim suits are for swimming and bathing suits are for bathing?

Then again, clothes might be more than just function. I don’t wear glow in the dark clothes because I plan on going outside tonight. I don’t dress like a kid when I’m watching Disney movies. I don’t dress like a nerd when I’m studying. I guess my style has a room for improvement.

?sihT daeR uoY naC

Some people say that Pink Floyd played backwards is some sort of satanic message. This got me wondering, what would one of my typical blogs sound like backwards. I've gone ahead and saved you the time by writing this blog backwards. All you have to do is read it. Let me know if it has some hidden message like Pink Floyd does.



.neeb evah thgim ti niaga neht teB .emit ruoy fo etsaw a neeb ton sah sihT

.dren a ton m’I tuB .tfel ot thgir morf etirw I dnA . gnivird nehw emit ssap ot daeh ym ni smelborp arbagla xelpmoc od I .esuorc fo ,ssalc hsilgne reven…ssalc ni derob m’I nehw smordnalap fo kniht I .srebmun eht gnitirw okodus od ot yrt I .efil ym fo stcepsa rehto ot ytilatnem derrefsnart ev’I .timil eht ot flesym gnihsup-egnellach lanosrep a sa ecar yreve dehcaorppa I . kcart dna yrtuoc ssorc nar I . segnellahc dekil syawla ev’I

.yaw gnitseretni na ni tirw ot ediced v’I , yaw gnitseretni na in gnihtemos tuoba gnitirw fo daetsnI . niarg eht tsniaga seog tI .gnitseretni tsuj si tI .uoy gniteserp m’I that noitamrofni lufthgisni eht morf hcum degnahc eb t’now uoy ,eruS ?golb siht fo tniop eht si tahW

.tluciffid yllaicepse si sdrawkcab gnitirW
.cixilsyd ylthgils m’I sa ees ,em rof tluciffid elttil a si sihT

.reisae s’ti ebyam tub ,sdrawkcab llits era srettel ehT .gniticxe si erus tI !erutaretil drawkcab fo dlrow a ot desopxe eb lliw uoy dna rorrim eht otni kooL
.siht ot pu rorrim a dloh si od ot evah uoy lla ,sdrawkcab daer t’nac uoy fI


!noitanimircsid s’that ,dednah thgir ylbaborp saw eH .thgir ot tfel morf etirw
ot dediced ohw ,naem I ,lausunu that ton s’tI .sdrawkcab etirw osla nac I .sdrawkcab gnidaer ot detimil ton m’I tuB .sdrawkcab daer nac I

.flesym tuoba elttil a uoy llet ot si sith dniheb elanoitar ylno ehT .sdrawkcab si golb elohw ehT .elzzup eht tuo derugif uoY !snoitalutargnoC

Mother Nature Breaks It Off With Common Sense; Celebrity Marriages Never Last.

I did not wake up this morning and decide to be in a bad mood. In fact, I stepped out of bed and thought that it would be a good day. I had some delicious waffles for breakfast. I checked my email, and class had been canceled. My agenda for today consisted of going to two easy classes and writing this blog. The outlook looked promising. Today seemed to be predisposed to be one that would go in Guinness’s World Records as “world’s most beautiful day.” And that’s a big deal, seeing how many days there have been in this world.

After packing my bag, I walked out the door to class. That’s when my day took a 180 degree turn in the form of 11 degree temperature, and at least 15 miles per hour winds. Looking outside was deceptive. The sun was shinning, but actually the wind chill was 8 degrees.

If this was January, my response might be something like, “I would expect this of a January in Indiana.” However, since it is March, my response is one of anger and more like, “Unacceptable, mother nature! You can do better than that!”

It’s finally March. I did not know that that meant that I had to still be cooped up inside all day.

Only 16 days until spring. Days like today just make spring seem so distant!

I am sitting in the computer lab right now, but I can’t escape acquiring frost bite from exposure to this winter weather. I guess the heaters were not ready for the cold weather. They were probably as surprised as I was. And to top it off, as soon as I finish this, I will need to venture out into the cold to get to my class. Woe is me!

I think that I can speak for all of us when I say that I’m ready for global warming to kick in. Can’t we deteriorate our O-zone a little bit faster? I would trade indecent amounts of UV exposure for these hellish conditions. To account for uncannily days like today, scientists have actually changed the name from “global warming” to “global climate change.” This was not the type of climate changed that I signed up for when I did my part to pollute our atmosphere!

The root of this blog is this: It is really sad that my day can be ruined by something as miniscule as the weather. I’m never upset for very long. Whenever I am upset about something; whether it be the weather, bad grades, bad food or a headache, I realize how fortunate I am. I may sometimes have to eat bad food, but people are starving throughout the world. I might get an occasional bad grade, but at least I am able to go to college. My head may hurt, but at least I have a head. The weather may be bad…but at least it’s not worse?

No, no matter how hard I try, I can’t manage to feel any better about the weather today.

75 Year-Old Tackles 29 Year-Old Bandit

Think back to yesterday afternoon. Where were you? What were you doing? What was going through your mind?

I could narrow those answers down for you. I know that you were not doing. You were not in Stuart, Florida. You were not thinking of robbing an old elderly couple from a new computer. And you were not attacked by that elderly man trying to retrieve his computer from your adolescent ways. It you were, you would be sitting in prison with a $12,500 bail.

If that was you who did attempt to rob an elderly couple, then stop reading now because this is a blog dedicated to poking fun at you. If that wasn’t you, then keep reading, and I’ll tell you what happened. It is a true story; only the names, ideas, and facts have been changed to make it more interesting.

A feeble man walked out of a best buy carrying a newly purchased computer and printer.

(That’s your first clue that this is not just an everyday, vulnerable, helpless person simply asking to be burglarized. I know this because no weak elder could carry a computer and printer without being extraordinary stature.)

He was alone because his wife went to drive the car up to pick him up.

(Maybe he wasn’t all that strong after all, if he couldn’t walk to the car. He could be a good person to rob.)

That’s when the 29 year-old found his target- old man, alone, carrying hundreds of dollars in merchandise. The soon-to-be-thief approached the elderly man, sized him up, realized that it would be an easy robbery, he snatched to merchandise and took off like a coward.

He didn’t make it 8 feet until the feeble old man overtook the fit, young man. A nearby security guard saw the altercation and cleaned up the scene. Now that’s embarrassing!


I could only imagine the scene. Did the old man start beating him with his can? Maybe the wife waiting in the car for him came out and started striking him with her purse. Regardless of their weapon of choice, I would have paid good money to see it. If someone videotaped this scene, it would have five stars on youtube and a million viewers overnight.

Instead of being a youtube star, that young man is in prison. And I wonder how he is getting along with his cell mates. I can see a conversation unfolding between him and his cell mates:

“So, what are you in for?”

“I tried to steal a computer from a 75 year-old man. But boy was he fast!”

Rule #1 of being respected in prison—lie.

We all know these types of people. The type of person who has to “one-up” everything you say. These are the kinds of people I simply cannot talk to. The second that these people open their mouths, I embrace myself for some poorly conceived story putting themselves in the social spotlight.

Just picture 4 guys in hanging out in a room. One of them tells a story about how they twisted their ankle the other day. The competition ensues. The game has begun and each must have a better story than the preceding storyteller.

The game begins when one person tells tale of his twisted ankle.

Now the ball is in the court of the football player jock who says, “My senior year, I broke my ankle and still made the winning touchdown!”

The skater goes on the offense. “Oh yeah! Well, I was in the parking lot attempting a super-McTwistie- 360-front flip-tail grab- 0’spin-ally when I landed wrong and sliced my shin clear through.”

Then the hick says, “That’s nothing! I was huntin’ with my pa’. I shot at a grizzly, missed. It chased after me and ate my whole left foot. I wrestled it and it’s now the carpet in my living room.”

Score:
Jock-2
Hick-3
Skater-2
Guy with twisted ankle- 0

(hmm… the jock isn’t winning the competition?)

Maybe the guy with the twisted ankle legitimately wanted to just tell people how he twisted his ankle. He probably didn’t know it was a competition.

It really grinds my gears when I just say some offhand comment in everyday conversation. Immediately, Mr. “My story’s better” grabs my innocent, docile story and chokes it until it turns blue in the face from inadequate story telling. If I had known it had been a competition, I would have buttered up the story and sold it with all of the detail I could muster. I, however, find it much easier to just avoid socially competitive people.

The examples are countless:

“I had a bad date. I really liked this girl, but I don’t think she likes me.”

“Oh yeah! Well that’s nothing! I had a date, where I was late, I ran out of gas, my fly was unzipped, she beat me with her purse, and placed a restraining order on me!”

That never helps the situation.

Maybe the cause of this problem is that some people feel the constant need to be the center of conversation. Any focus of attention away from them is grounds for drawing the conversation back to hover around them. They do that buy one-upping and negating others’ stories.

Don’t be “that guy.” Nobody wants to hang out with “that guy.” Don’t say “those things.” Don’t try to draw attention to “yourself.” Don’t use “quotations” to emphasis the point that “you’re trying” to make. Quotations just “confuse” people. What am I “referring” to with these “excessive” quotations?”